Suckered Punched to the Inner->

Solar Plexus of your Everything.

Or, how every once in a while something in the replies hits you perfectly where it counts.

Back at the beginning of LFoaB a respondent mentioned a book, and that book made a lot of things make sense [and in the end that book -as any book cannot/should not be everything- was a partial catalyst, but needed to be filtered & tempered through me before it could act as a launching platform, for what was to come... but it was a big moment], and now, just yesterday, another respondent mentioned an organization w/a link to a video, and well... whoa, it -watching it last night, well it was HUGE to me: it was a big moment, one of those "This applies in so many ways, I can take this as a pre-Nov. of '05 kinda deal, and as a right now/right here statement too" moments.  So, thank you again for the kindness of people I know and don't know, who are out there thinking and sharing their ideas and thoughts with me.  Sincerely, Thank You, JB, because that/this was huge.

First the video:
That video flattened me in so many I am still watching it, studying it, pondering it... it was one of those impact-fully amazing things that when I started it for the first viewing last night, after three days spent with me talking non-stop to a writer flown out here from a major publication, I immediately was covered in goosebumps.  A video so profound in one of those quietly unassuming ways that Amy walked out from the kitchen and immediately put down everything she was doing and just sat and watched and listened too; and seconds later Chloe came out of the bedroom from her lessons and did the same.  I am left excited with possibilities, things to do/that need doing, it's almost overwhelming.

John Francis is doing, has been doing, had done, what I am trying/have been trying to do.  But at the same, I am failing horridly at it... and have shackled myself amazingly to a single wall, in my own prison of my own constructing.  I have broken out of many things in the past 3 years, maybe even before as a kid/teen with regard to music & the arts and the small-town background I emerged from, but in my most recent breaking out and thru walls, I have reconstructed newer, stronger, more impenetrable walls... with thicker re-bar, deeper concrete, even less light.

I propose that this is one of the basic tenets and follies of Man [Wo-Man, too]... "By undoing things good or bad, we simply aim -usually unknowingly- to box ourselves right back in with something new [or newer]".  All of this can be undone simply thru listening, truly listening to: others, nature, the [our] environment, and -of course- ourselves.  To some degree, and with a measure of success/non-success, I have accomplished aspects of this, but there is much that needs improvement here/much that needs and demands my avid attention and undivided muscle of work.

Baby-Steps again, humbly.

One of the first areas that needs my attention, and is within my immediate grasp, are apologies to those closest to me that I 'thought' I heard and was listening to all along, but truthfully have not been: Amy & Chloe; family and friends.  I am sorry [but you will -ALL- be getting more personal apologies than the written word]... and then, the next phase:

that my day to day ideals of riding have come under attack [in my own mind & soul] i.e. "What is the purpose of just riding around, beyond errands or set destinations, when there is so much more to travel/so much more that I enjoy than just mere circles and loops?".  That one is going to be more difficult, but I am committed to seeing it thru and understanding it better, and hopefully -ultimately- coming to some kind of peace with it.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Comments

[cutsh]

I think, maybe, when you set your sights on a far horizon it may not be completely in focus. But, as you approach it and the image sharpens, the whole of the task at hand comes crashing in. Maybe? This has happened to me many times, in the end its scary as all bejeezus, but it's rewarding in the end (I guess). Meantime: I will be out in Oregon, I think, soon. So don't get too mushy on me because although I am now bigger than you, I still intend to hurt you in the hills. It's what freinds do, and brothers do it even better. So you might want to keep those endless loops integrated into your emerging life a bit longer, lest you find your balls dragging on the road behind you. By the way, if I ship out my Colnago might I find it assembled, tuned and waiting for me on my arrival? (It's a dura-ace gruppo, but only an 8 speed. You'l tell me which cassette to send, right? ;))

Pax.

[MegC]

Thank you for that wonderful vision.

As for you... first off, riding 'for no reason' is the reason we all first ride. Kids need no justification to spend all day out there at it, going everywhere, going nowhere. I think it's good to question things, but ultimately I hope you can keep this 'first love' of bikes because it keeps us riding and exploring and having fun for much longer than many of our other goals.

But at the same time I'm remembering a book by a very famous distance musher who mentioned 'dogs hate going in circles almost as much as people do' (he had some comments in there about observing migratory birds also). His point was that he felt training a distance team had to include some multi-day trips where they really WENT someplace.

So perhaps your brevet idea is still spot-on? Or STP or ???

Or maybe it's time to try something completely different... I used to rollerblade a lot in PDX, you could really chew some miles up w/ the path system there. I'm currently in the middle of XC ski season here in snowland. And you and the girls really should check out some of the hiking in the gorge this summer.

I'm still trying to nail Icicle Ridge this upcoming season. If you'd like a taste of something more remote and wild and mind-exploding-beautiful than anything you've probably torn off so far, you're more than welcome to join A Stranger-Neighbor From The North.

[Al Mollitor]

There's a lot of good stuff in those TED videos. Well worth spending time with.

Scott, you've been on an amazing journey for the past 3 years and you did what you had to do, and it worked! Maybe you need just a little courage to vary your routine a little. I love to ride and many of us count our miles every year, but in the end, it's only a number. Many of us ride because we want the miles to get/stay in shape, or we run x miles a week, or we run on a treadmill(ugh!). Lately, I've been thinking it would be a good thing to kill two birds with one stone: Get exercise and do some productive work while I'm at it. Chopping firewood, shoveling snow, turning the soil, raking leaves, building a house, mopping a floor, biking to the store...anything that needs doing and can be done with the body rather than a fossil fuel machine. In a way, biking in circles is an elitist luxury that people like us fat, lazy Americans can afford. People living on the edge of survival would think it stupid and wasteful. I certainly don't want to live on the edge of survival, but maybe we can use our bodies in a way that keeps us healthy and makes the world a better place for all of us.

[Cyclofiend]

Thank you for sharing that, Scott. Keep walking your path. That, you can do better than anyone.

[Paul Cooley]

I think it's often hard, when you're in the middle of something good, to see it. John Francis seems gifted at seeing that something good.

I get all worked up and cranky about being the at-home-parent. I was thinking about beginning to ride in some of the brevets in New Mexico, but I got an earful from my wife about feeling like I'm running away from the family whenever she has time off. (She's working full time and going to school right now, so when she's home, I really am ready to get out of the house, but that's beside the point).

I'm trying to stay focussed on what a wonderful gift it is to stay home and educate my children. We're carfree, and I take that for granted now, but that's a big deal too. We're doing lots of great things, but I get caught in this headspace where I just don't see it, and I focus instead on stuff like I don't happen to be bicycle touring in Italy right now. Idiotic right?

We all probably just need to open up our eyes a little bit wider and be more thankful for the incredible gifts we have to give and the incredible gifts we receive moment to moment.