...re-examined [not that I ever examined it for a first time, or even have heard of this before, prior to just making it up in my brain a few seconds ago].
While brushing my teeth this morning, I came upon the I.L.O.R.F. [Inverse Life Output Ratio Factor]... and it seemed curious to me.
First, the origins.
The origins of this thought are/were born out of the many folks: in-person, via the blog, email, phone, etc, who contacted me for one reason or a'nother... and while they ask whatever question, or state whatever statement, they are asking/stating they -also- seem to always fit in some remark, in some form or a'nother, that it must feel great to basically return to some form of Childhood thru all the changes that I've gone through. Or, be fit enough to feel like a Child. Or, be small enough to do Child-like things. I'm not sure exactly what they exactly mean, but I always get a sense of what they mean. And it's true. And it always makes me think about what they mean, plus I marry that with how I do feel... and well, this thing finally popped into my head this morning and started to make sense. Sort of.
Seems to me that when we are young, we can do lots -or at least think we can- and as we age we think we can do less -or at least we think we can. So what would happen to that person who, because of whatever reason[s], had it go the other way? Say: a person whose 'state' prohibited them from Child-like activities when young, and then thru age, wisdom, whatever... were allowed to head into that state as technically [chronologically speaking] an adult? And no, I'm not talking about someone like Michael Jackson, Madonna or even Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan [folks who make a boatload of bread and then go out of their gourd with crazy spending/behavior/reckless stupidity... ] I'm talking about a person who sort of got left behind, or didn't get in, and then -when all their peers were pursuing chronologically correct endeavors- got a chance at what their peers had, back then, but had forgotten about, discarded, left behind... and instead now were/are an adult. That kind of person.
For me, I kind of feel like that person. However, it's not like I didn't get to do kid stuff, I did. I had a pretty normal kidhood... Ups & Downs included. But teens and onward, that's where -just maybe- it wasn't so normal. Some of it my doing, some of it: how society made me feel, and then I adopted that feeling about myself as well. Society can do that to a person. Make them feel like a freak, like a weirdo, like a Leper... like, "You're not one of Us, go away".
And so, I went away.
And now, fitting [Pun Intended/and Not Intended] in... I am like a piece of something that sort of has an acceptable wrapper on the outside, but me -on the inside- I still feel like a freak mostly. But that's okay with me because the people that mean and matter most to me, they get me... they understand.
Begin Sidebar-
Because of that entry, "Your Piehole... " I've actually gotten death threats. And that seems 'off' to me. Why would someone threaten my life because I gave my opinion on food, cars, bikes, and folks who eat a certain way? It was just an opinion, nothing more. I don't have any influence on much of anything. I just like riding my bike, and living my life.
And now it looks like the FBI wants to chat with me because of that post, and some others of mine as well. They wanna chat with me because I ride a bike, because I'm Vegan, because I blog, because I was in the local paper and think I have some kind of influence and pull... and because a buncha Republicans are coming to Saint Paul for their convention. Sure, I'll go chat with you... but you wont like my opinions either. But, they're just my opinions. Opinions. All I got is a bike, my girls: Amy & Chloe, a small handful of great friends, and a coupla recipes for how I cook b-fast, lunch & dinner. I'm no Critical Mass'r, I don't have any inside-info on Cycler-Mobs, don't attend Vegan Potluck Dinners, and really am pretty static in my general Day to Day routine. But sure, we can chat. [Most interesting: the day that a friend sends me the City Pages link [above], I get 3 emails with requests for meeting someone at a local caffe shop to discuss bikes, politics, the RNC and information about folks I ride with.]
-End O' Sidebar
So now, as a 44 year old, but able to do things I could not at, say, 15 or 20 or 30 years old [and it sure feels good too, to not have my only options be sitting & watching], I notice that -yet again- I don't fit in well. Because my chronological peers -mostly- are interested in pursuits I got into at 15, 20 or 30 years old [watching TV, watching Things, Watching in general], and because I couldn't really play their Reindeer Games back then, while I -now- can and want to partake in the very things they have either grown bored with, or can no longer physically do/want to do... they now, and me now: hold little in common, once again. It's like trying to push together two opposite sides of two rare earth neodymium magnets... never seems to come together.
Put it this way:
We go to playgrounds a lot on our rides. And so do other folks. I see all these parents standing around the edge of the playground watching their kids play: the parents chat with one another, they wear Docker's, they all look concerned, preoccupied, worried, uninterested, bored and interested simultaneously... I want to, and do, go into the playground and play.
Did any of this make sense? I hope so... it feels like a feeling that makes sense, but the writing-it-down part of it, not so sure if that worked or not.
Going off riding, out into more wind [all the locals always tell me, "Usually doesn't get this windy out here"... but it's been mostly windy now for a year], and sunshine.
Keep Ridin'... Always
Best of luck in PDX.
Posted by: fixedgear | May 24, 2008 at 05:15 PM
I hope if the FBI really does want to chat with you, you will not do so without an attorney.
Posted by: pox | May 24, 2008 at 07:28 PM
So isn't this what freedom is about?...living OUR individual dreams?...in OUR individual pursuit of happiness? How sad it is to criminalize those that have thoughtfully chosen to make that journey.
Ah, swings...they're the best! Though at the peak of 40 now, I have never outgrown the swing. My nephew and I will be on them tomorrow...having a blast! Of course, the other parents and adults will watch from the sidelines, as usual.
Posted by: ebk | May 24, 2008 at 10:41 PM
Yo brother: Take some care in the blogisphere. You might want to checkout the NY Times magazine today, nice article by Emily Gould and it might have some relevence to your conundrum about publicity and opinions and violins. I personally never understood violins and the internet(s), but some seem to think they belong together. Even though Ms. Gould seems to have had a change of heart, I get the feeling she was one of those clicky mean girls at school. Anyway, I digress. So here's hoping the feds don't think you are a commie, and the rednecks don't beat you senseless because you "...don't eat no meat. It's OK, they can make you lamb" and all kidding aside, you feel more at home in your own skin. You deserve some bliss. Oh, yeah, as gas gets more and more and more expensive, folks will realize you can't effectively power a bicyle with large amounts of protien anyway, it just doesn't work that way. So it might be beneath you to prosyletize.
Posted by: cutsh | May 25, 2008 at 07:29 PM
Don't accept any offers of free vacations on a Caribbean island from our FBI "friends".
Posted by: bryantp | May 26, 2008 at 02:32 PM
Cool... the FBI wants to talk to you! Ask them if they don't mind if you take some pictures and record some audio for the blog...
Posted by: Stevy | May 27, 2008 at 05:32 AM
Of course the FBI wants to talk to you. Bike advocate, vegetarian, Jazz drummer for cryin' out loud. You're obviously planning to ride around the RNC rallying the other radials with your subversive beats so you can fling tofu at McCain when he shows up. Sheesh. As our local bikey radical/racer/shop owner Molly Cameron says, "If there was a sarcastic font I would use it. All the time."
On the other hand, we can all feel pretty secure knowing the FBI has nothing better to do than talk to you. I mean, how bad can the domestic terrorist threat be if you are on their radar? They've got to justify their existence (and my tax support) somehow, I guess.
On the other OTHER hand, what a sad life that must be, to troll blogs looking for threats from conscientious, peace loving souls like you. That's the definition of pathetic, if you ask me. And if you're reading this and you're one of them, please, take a moment to step outside and breath some fresh air. Better yet - go for a ride.
Posted by: MtMann | May 27, 2008 at 10:34 AM
What was that you were telling me about those seditious items you keep hidden DEEP in your rectum?
Posted by: Jim | May 27, 2008 at 10:38 AM
You know, sometimes if I'm really tired I just stand around at the park, but more often than not, I'm playing with my son, and occasionally I feel like the camp counselor because I've got ALL the kids at the park doing something silly and running around while the rest of the parents stare in consternation. I'm a freak, I go to Burning Man, I like fire and watching things blow up (but NOT with people in them!). I've often wondered how long it would take for the FBI to want to talk to me... but I think your readership is considerably bigger than mine. :)
As for an FBI interview, yeah... bring the camera, tape recorder... hell, you could even bring your own cameraman/woman and film the whole thing. Put it up on YouTube if that pans out.. I'd like to see it.
Posted by: Ian Hopper | June 15, 2008 at 06:45 PM