Large Fella on a Bike

Chloe Responds To The...

...Twin Cities version of The Springer Show:

"What?!?!  How can a bike hurt a car, or the people in that car?  That's dodo talk dad... what is goin' on here anyway?  Don't those people get it?!?!  We're trying to save Mother Nature and that's what we get back from them??"

~Chloe, age 8 Minneapolis, MN

To which I'll add: a piece I contributed recently to another Cyclering Blog called, Veloquent:

My entry.

And then close with this thought:

Society in general, and People specifically... are starting to scare the crap out of me with their total self-absorbed, self-entitled stupidity.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Me thinks, "Nay" on the Brevet...

Everything that I had conjured in my mind regarding the 200km Brevet on May 10th and how my schedule would correspond with that time frame has gone the opposite, or so it feels.

First off, the weather.  I had seriously hoped for a much sooner transition from Winter Setup to Non-Winter Setup.  That got continually snafu'd by... well, yep-you guessed it, the weather.

Then, once that transition went down... more weather: snow, wind, sleet... and now, more cold [+wind, rain, sleet, rinse/repeat, rinse/repeat].

But also... discomfort.  Lots of discomfort.  Initially and immediately following the bike transition, all was well.  Actually, all was better than well... it was fabulous.  But then... and with little experience to truly know about such things [because this was the first seriously serious winter I've ever ridden in... how would I know?], I went from riding in thick-soled Keen boots to much thinner-soled Shimano riding shoes.  And instead of lowering my saddle, I raised it.  And the reason I raised it was this... it made sense to me.  After doing so, I wasn't rocking my hips [sure sign of a too-high saddle] and I still had a nice bend to my knees on a full-on 6 O'clock on the cranks: both left-n-right [another sign of a not too-high saddle height].  But then...

my crotch, specifically, my Man Parts started to throb.  And I mean THROB.  Like I had been repeatedly kicked by a donkey in my schnuttz.  For two, almost three, days I was completely miserable.  Taking Motrin and Tylenol like candy... aching pain trailing up into my stomach, lower back, and it wouldn't let up.

Meanwhile, the days kept ticking toward the Brevet, and I'm not getting any longer rides in.  Longest rides have been a handful of 35'ers with lots of hills.  But I keep trying my best...

I go and buy new shorts, thinking I need more chamois between me and saddle + a tighter fit [one of the effects of my shrinking weight loss is I have no ass left, so nearly every article of clothing hangs baggy on me/behind me]. 

Oh, and one more saddle adjustment... I raise it, yet, again [like a moron].  Funny thing is: again, no hip rocking and no full knee extension.

But the crotch -and Man Pains- come back in their full, red-hot, aching glory.  Oh and also this... my legs have a shitload of power onto the cranks and pedals.  Cool!

However, my Manions win out [as things with 15 billion nerve endings per square mm tend to] and the saddle comes down... not once, but twice.  And I should add too... as the saddle was going higher incrementally, I also adjusted down the nose: thinking, "Okay, I've always liked a nose upward on my Brooks, but as this thing is going up in height, so the nose is even more so... directly into my privates".  And so down it came too.

So now here's where I am:

Saddle + Nose are comfortable.
Not feeling any real ability to power down on my cranks and pedals though [and that's the one that is driving me mad].
Front of my shins fatigue quickly when I run flats at 20mph [give or take 1mph up/down].
Insides of my thighs fatigue slowly on hills in low gears at high cadences around 14 to 16mph.
Still no rides longer than 35 miles [give or take a couple miles].
Thinking I need to either:
A.  Bring the saddle forward on the rails slightly to get my legs into a better power ratio to cranks and pedals... but hesitant to do so, as I've never adjusted my fore/aft position, and also had no problems until now.
B.  Shut the hell up, and try my best to acclimate and adjust to things, and just be patient... but I worry that things aren't right for a reason, and I desperately want to find that reason and remedy it [but, again, fear the "two steps forward, three steps back" ball of wax of slowly making nearly everything on my ride uncomfortable].

And...

1 and 1/2 weeks until the biggest, longest ride of my life: a ride that means a great deal to me.

I feel less prepared than I did when I was riding studded tires [at least then, the rest of my bike was completely and utterly dialed-in and felt like a complete part of me].

Suddenly, I am feeling insane amounts of pressure to be, and do, something I -worry- I am not, and not ready for.

I cannot even begin to fathom going to the Start Line of this Brevet planning to not finish it.  I can, however, not finish it... if, and only if, I -that is, my body or mind, cannot go further.  But to know I am going there and not comfortable and confident of my ride and me on my ride...

...that, I cannot do.

Kinda feeling defeated and a little heartbroken about all this.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Dissatisfaction with the Unnatural World:

Less and less I find you and your things interesting.  The fibers you've surrounded us in: are not of my choosing and I wouldn't have picked them for me or myself.  I don't need to be clobbered by your signs and images... I Get It, I'm just not interested in It.  I'm not your guy: I want no part of it/on it/in it.

I've dropped out, and you only miss my participation through money and presence.  You won't get it from me, of me, ever again.

You sell and buy, and I have nothing of that sort of ilk to offer.

I can't make what you want and need, so I am of zero concern to you.

You have tried your level best to separate me from me and that worked until it didn't.

Now I see with infrared fierceness into your glowing towers of Stuff, and it -and your- banal ways operate in the smallest, least consequential confines of my brain.  Only enough of you occupies my mind that I remember to, both, laugh at and loath you.

You're less than minor.

You've been reduced to a crumb of scorn in the dusty margins of me.

You own+are nothing of/to Me.

Keep Ridin'... Always

50/50 Odds? No...

  and...

Little ditty about Phil and Schmidtane
Two international hubs growin' up in the heartland
Phil's gonna be my front hub
Schmidtane, debutante back wheel of LFoaB's cycle

Suckin' down green backs outside the LBS
Schmidtane sittin' in LFoaB's messenger bag
He's got his hands between her chromed flanges
Phil says, hey Schmidtane lets run off
Behind a shady tree
Dribble on that linseed oil with spokes -n- nipples
Let me do what I please
And LFoaB say a

Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of high-end parts is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of creakin' & lateral play in hubs is gone, they walk on

LFoaB sits back reflects his thoughts for a moment
Scratches his head and does his best "How the ^%#! can two hubs, from two different parts of the world, that cost this much bread, end up bought by the same person for the same wheelset, and BOTH-have issues [one, for sure, to been returned for service out in ol' San Jose, Cali]??"

Well you know Schmidtane we oughta run of the city
Schmidtane says, baby you ain't miss no-thing
LFoaB say a

Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of high-end hubs is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of Brevetin' is gone

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the Shimano Deore hub come down
And save my soul
Hold on to Nashbar catalogs as long as you can
Changes comin round real soon
Make us women and men

Little ditty about Phil and Schmidtane
Two international hubs not doin' the best they can

~lyrics borrowed from John Mellencamp
~lyrics arranged by LFoaB due to both of my new hubs causing me much heartache

That is all...

Keep Ridin'... Always

You never stop the bleeding...

Loss:

It's such an endless waterfall of emotion... run by the wattage of memories, millions of 'What-If's'... 'What-Was-To-Come's'... 'Man-This-Woulda-Been-So-Much-Better-If-They-Had-Seen-This-Too' and the darkest chocolate of bittersweetness.

Ever since I was a little boy I worried about losing people close to me, and I always thought/think of it this way...

Based on age, the younger one is, the "Vertical Losses" are the worst ["Vertical" meaning up the family tree... i.e. parent[s].  The ones above, and sometimes, below us].

At a certain age, perhaps mid-20's and up, but I'm not really certain, the "Horizontal Losses" take the greater toll ["Horizontal" meaning to our sides: the best of the best friends, siblings, and of course... husbands, wives, mates: the folks who know more about us than, in the best of ways, we do of us].

And then, when, or if, children re-enter ones cosmos the two directions of Vertical & Horizontal Loss meld into a single form of varying shapes & colors.

But where I got stuck was this...

My mother, Janice Evelyn Cutshall, was not only my mom -the Mom of Mom's- she was my best friend in a way that more often than not was subtle and hinted at.  I was/am a kind of carbon-blueprint copy of her.

And boy, do I miss her.  11 years after her passing, and growing more bothered that I cannot remember the sound of her voice, I miss her.  The sayings, the phrases, the stories, yes... the pitch and timbre, no.

When she was dying, she blamed herself for my weight.  It was insanely kind of her, and completely wrong too.  She, and I'll always remember this, said to me in this very slight, frail voice, almost a whisper... "I am so worried about your weight, having to go it alone, after I'm gone.  You know I blame myself for it.  I should have been... something, I should have... ".  And that was what she said. 

I always thought the word she wanted, based on standard stereotypes of parenting, was:

"Harder"... "Harder on you, Scott".

And she couldn't say it. 

How much love is wrapped in not allowing yourself the use of a word, or phrase, while you are passing from this Life, this World, and just not allowing yourself to say that to your youngest son?

So much grace, so much dignity, so much strength and last...

...so much bravery.

When I think of Amy, and when I think of Chloe... those are the two people that wound me the most that my mom -the Mom of Mom's- isn't here for/to see/to know/to Everything.

So, in the end, I am stuck... stuck, in the concept devised by an over-thinking little boy originally from Northwestern Pennsylvania, that Vertical meshes with Horizontal and when the thought of her -the Mom of Mom's- enters my head, yet again, I am of the realized notion that:

Real bleeding never stops.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Last Night, and then, Today...

Had a belated B-Day celebration for our pal, Mark last night.  Gifted him w/various accoutrement's of food-bikey & Chloe-crafted prosaic goodness.  And then sent him on his way back thru the dark night of Minneapolis with a mild beer buzz and balloons [all pics -clickable for larger]:

The belated Birthday Boy & Chloe.

Mounting up and getting ready to roll...

Oh my, Chloe calls for a Backyard Derby.

Nothing says "Bad Ass" like Surly+Fixie+Balloons...

Chloe gives 'em the old East Coast, "Get yer %#$! outta my driveway... "

...and with that, the Party was over.  Good Times.

And then today, the weather was absolutely stunningly beautiful.  So I rolled solo while the girls did some errands.

First I rolled thru The Minneapolis and did some elevation riding because I like hurting [some times more than others]... and then I rolled into The Saint Paul for more of the same [which is rather easy to do as SP is nothing but one big hill ~or so it seems to me on occasion].

Chloe and Amy met me in SP for some caffe, and I finally got some snaps [but, of course, the bike was a touch more dirty than it was 2 weeks ago right after she had her Spring Cleaning/Brevetization].

First, The Chicks w/me:

 

The Bike ready to... Go:

 

 

Keep Ridin'... Always

Hula-Hoop and Chalked Benches:

...Good Times-> [click 'em for big]

 
 

And then Chloe got busy chalk-painting a bench and metal-framed chair for our good friend Mark's belated B-Day party we threw for him.  Unfortunately it rained, and washed away all of Chloe's hard work... fortunately, she's stubborn like her dad: and she hurried and re-chalked it.

 

Mark liked it.

All was/is Good in the World.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Open Letter to Two Drivers...

**Disclaimer: sorry for the language to any & all that may be offended by such things... I'm a little hot right now**

If I have some sort of fame or public face or whatever it's called based on the increase in hits and readership here at LFoaB since the piece on me ran in the Star Tribune...

...let it be used for what follows:

You've got to wake the hell UP when driving.

Twice today, [and that's up from once-and that's only when I roll solo-per ride, and never when I've rolled with Chloe], two of you almost took me out, but waaaaaay more important to me... you almost took out my daughter too.  And that's fucking unacceptable.

First: on 31st East at Portland Avenue.  An older Toyota pickup truck with 2 Caucasian males emulating inner-city ghetto culture bolting past us... missing Chloe's hand by mere inches and brushing my sleeve with your side-view mirror.  You're chickenshit for not getting out when I caught up to you at the next traffic light, flipped you off, told you to get out and talk to me about what just happened, and then did nothing but stare at your laps when I hacked up a huge wad of phlegmy crap and shot it directly onto your window.  Pure Chickenshit.  You almost took out my daughter... do you understand this: you almost took OUT my daughter.  Everything in me-who I am, what I am, E V E R Y T H I N G inside of me is programmed to protect and nurture her.  She is of Me... can you even comprehend what this feels like to me when you drove that close to us, at that speed?  Do you realize how scared she was?  What is missing from your DNA that allows you to be so unconcerned with Life?  I sincerely hope you made it to Wal-Mart or the liquor store on time.

Second: on 26th Avenue and 25th Street East.  You, lady, in your white BMW SUV... yes, YOU!  I watched you slow up and keep drifting at about 15mph directly behind us as we were behind stopped traffic waiting to turn left.  I had my left arm out indicating our intent to turn, the car in front of us had their left turn signal on as well.  That same car had its brake lights on too.  We had all of our blinkies on too.  What more do YOU need to see?????  I kept staring at you, over my shoulder with my helmet light directly on your face, hoping  yelling [that] you'd finally hit your brakes... and when you did, and came to a stop, less than 3 inches from Chloe's rear wheel... I can -also- understand why you started screaming and threw your hands over your face: because you almost rear-ended an 8 year old girl and her dad.  At least you showed some sort of remorse for your complete irresponsibility as a driver. 

Both of YOU... you should have to park your vehicles, and have to get everywhere you need to go for the next year via bicycle/in traffic/on the busiest streets in Minneapolis...

...then, and only then, would you have the faintest clue what it's like to have been put through the things you put Chloe and me through today.

Shame on you, Both.

Keep Ridin'... Always

Two Feet Ahead...

For my upcoming 200km Brevet attempt I have looked into the potentially evil glass goblet of "Foot Retention".  Did I almost sip from the Sidi, Lake or the basic cleated Kool-Aid tumbler... nope [I can't get with the $$ investment for gluing molded plastic shoes to molded plastic pedals].  But still, what's a fella to do who wants to investigate foot to pedal melding, still look not entirely silly, not spend a boatload of bread, be able to walk like I don't have Popsicle sticks stuffed in my butt, not face-up to the much ballyhooed "You Must Fall Over One Time" cliche, be able to ride my bike without something 'Special' on my feet and give a general nod to classicism while being big-toe-planted in, at least, the past 25 years?

Clips-n-Straps, nope [did those as a kid/early-teen... didn't really like them too much either].

Power Grips, yes.

I turned 'em inside out, attached them to my all-timey favoritey pedals: MKS Touring Pedals [you're welcome, Chris ;-) ]... and started riding.  I like them.  Sort of.  They are oddly good in a weird, I'm-not-so-sure, kinda way.  So...

Perhaps it was my shoes?  I tried all the shoes I normally wear... of course, "Normally" for the last umpteen [bizarre word, 'taint it?] months has been big, honkin' Keen boots.  And even at their largest expanse of extension, the Power Grips didn't even come close to allowing my foot-n-boot in.  So, time for other shoes.  I tried all the things I wore besides my Great Northern Cold/Snot big, honkin' Keens, and actually started to like these Power Grip things.

And my mind got to thinking again: "Who makes a purpose built pedalin' shoe for the non-cleated among us?"  Not many I soon found out.  It's an "All In, or get the hell out" kind of shoe world out there these days for the lowly, non-cleated cycler.  And that's pretty sad, truth be told.

In my hunting and learning process I did, however, find a couple cool, or potentially cool, solutions.

#1.  Five Ten Impact shoes... [reviewed here].  But I was kinda bothered by their appearance [the skaterboy thing to them made me feel like I would end up saying "Dude" and "Sick" and "Rad" too much, and too often].  So I called the company that makes them.  They were nice, talked to me for quite a bit, and never really tried to hard-sell them to me [very cool, sorry... very rad].  In the course of talking to this nice person there, they said, "Do not use these with Power Grips or standard clips-n-straps, you won't be able to remove your foot at all... yes, the soles are that sticky!".  They do sound like great shoes for a specific thing though.  The other thing I was told was, while they're fairly stiff-soled for pedaling, they are nothing along the lines of a dedicated "Cycling Shoe".  Damn, idea quashed... again.

This is the Five Ten Impact [click all the pics for Large]:

[pic from the review site linked to above]

#2.  Called another Internet merchant to ask about another shoe [can't recall the shoe now, or -unfortunately- the place I called] and had an enlightened wonderful chat with a nice fella there.  As it turns out, he's a Brevet-Rider kinda guy.  And he seconded the opinions on the Five Ten as being great for what it is, but not great for long distance riding and/or Power Grip and clip-n-strap usage.  He also lamented with me the utter lack of decent, non-garish choices out there for the Cycler who does not want clipless shoes.  As he was talking to me a co-worker of his must of overheard our conversation because I heard another voice, far off, say "Tell him about those Shimano shoes that have those inserts... they are for flat pedals".  The guy talking to me said, "Ohhh, YEAH!  I forgot about those... ", and then preceded to look up their model number, and we got off the phone.  A few minutes later I found them at JensonUSA and sized them out, and ordered them.

I've been using them, the Shimano MP90, for about 2 weeks now... give or take.  And these shoes are extremely comfortable.  I really like them.  There is lots to like about them too, if you're like me [and you're probably not... so you can start looking at things here or here while I prattle on about these that I like].

First... they don't look overly silly or ridiculous.  Actually they look good, and like a normal kinda shoe [which most shoes, non-cycling too, don't look like these days].  That's good.

2ndly:  They have really nice Vibram soles.  And all of my experiences with Vibram soles have been good experiences [and they are replaceable too].

3rd.  They have a nice grippiness to them, but not a gummy kind of grippiness.  I can feel them grab the teeth on my MKS's, but when I let up and twist my foot to get out of the Power Grips... out they come.

4thly... They have smallish, but thoughtfully considered details that make sense.  High uppers on the insides of your ankles; kind of a tough-slippery nylon/resin material for contact & potential contact points, with crank/chain/chainring, sandwiched around a perforated [breathable] leather; a half wrap-around tongue so there is no slippage while riding; built-in tasteful reflectors in heel area; and an elastic lace band to hold your knot away from your forward transmission [no more tucking laces into shoes for me].  All cool, all well-considered.

5th... And this is a HUGE one for me.  The Vibram logo on the sole, and right & left outside of the heel, is larger than the two [one on the side on a small, tasteful aluminum badge: the other on the lace-grabber, again-equally small] Shimano logos.  Who does that anymore??  For a cycling shoe no less.  I hate super huge company branding, and these abide by my credo: "Thou shall not advertise for Nada".

6thly, and Lastly-
They slide in-n-out of the Power Grips very nicely.  They come with an insert to make the insole firmer.  I haven't tried it yet because, so far, I'm finding the MP90's footbed not only padded and comfortable, but extremely stiff.

Lots of Fotos:

 

[click any of 'em for big]

I think the best part is... if I decide I don't dig the Power Grips in the long run: I've found some great, stiff, non-garish pedalin' shoes.

"Yes... Cycler Shoes do exist for the non-cleated/non-Wear-Our-Advertisements-Loud-N-Proud Cyclerist.  Dreams do come true."

Keep Ridin'... Always

Sunshine & 50...

I'll take it!

More of this [click any of 'em for BIG]:

Less of that...

Also...

These are great knickers:   



Great color, diamond-crotch'ed for riding comfort, hearty fabric, sorta water-repellent up to a point [and they make no claims about being water-repellent, so that's kinda cool and an added bonus], 4 pockets [2-big, 2-normal], made in the US -of- A, lots of sizes available too.

Okay, my work is done here...

I'm going riding with Chloe.

Keep Ridin'... Always