After a Thanksgiving that was fairly traditional... okay, traditional for us [out of bed at noon, dinner at 11pm, etc] and replete with most of the standard fair-turkey [ok, breast], mashed tates [ok, made with soy milk and soy butter], stuffing [good god alright-made with vegetable stock and more soy butter], yams, etc... we have gone to the next level of what will eventually make us complete outsiders among those we know and hang with:
Yep, a Tofurkey. A delicious blend of tofu & wheat proteins that taste and act just like a real live [well, hopefully dead when you roast it and eat it] Tom Turkey. Which, of course, begs the questions: "Why eat something that pretends to be something you refuse to eat?"
I agree mostly too. Last time I tried something like this was a tofu 'hot dog' that promised to taste "exactly" like the real deal. It sorta did too... what the nice folks at that particular company failed to tell me was that it had the texture and mouth feel of chewing and swallowing something between a 10 year old puppy chew toy and a gummy bear. It was kinda tasty but I didn't really much notice taste once I started dry heaving and working extremely hard not to vomit on our kitchen table.
I stopped eating things that promised to taste like shit I won't eat any longer...
until now.
Why? I suppose because the 4oz. of T-Giving turkey I did eat didn't do anything for me. Nada. It tasted like well, turkey. No biggie. I don't miss that stuff apparently. I don't jones for animal stuff anymore.
I'm not Superman mind you... no hero, no soap-boxer type either. You wanna sit next to me and suck the grease off pork feet boiled in lard and battered in whole milk, flour and buttered cornmeal? Bring it. I'll probably ask you... "How's it taste?" If I can get by the smell. That's the only part I've become sensitive to... when I smell animal-based food, particularly fried or grilled, it smells "off" to me. Too strong. Too something. But otherwise, I'm cool... go ahead and suck the marrow from a Bolivian goat's ass bone... if you can style it, I'm cool with it.
So because the real turkey thing did so little for me at T-Giving I told Amy that I was down for making her and Chloe anything they desired on Santa's Day [oops, sorry... Baby Jesus' big day] and I'd be down for a nice plate of steamed veggies, some firm tofu and a big salad. She looked at me like I was nuts for suggesting that we all not eat the same meal.
Enter Tofurkey.
We ordered ours 2 weeks ago for delivery today. It arrived about 2pm today. A huge box. I was worried it wouldn't fit in our freeze [or fridge for that matter].
It cost us $29.00 before shipping and said it easily fed 4.
The size of the box backed that up...
until I opened the box.
The Tofurkey is inside the box yes, but also inside the box was an insulating layer that then also has another layer of dry ice bags. The Tofurkey box itself was inside all of this... and was approximately the size of a Magic 8-Ball. Maybe a touch bigger.. but not my much.
It'll be an interesting meal.
You could make a sort of veggie turducken, by stuffing your tofurkey with a tofuck.
Posted by: fixedgear | December 23, 2005 at 03:41 AM
lol
Pete, you be one whacky bastard!
Happy Holidaze...
-Me
Posted by: Scott | December 23, 2005 at 03:55 AM
Words fail me:-) Have a great weekend.
Posted by: George | December 23, 2005 at 04:01 AM
Most natural food co-ops carry Tofurkey for the holidays. You might come out ahead price-wise due to no shipping costs, assuming the one you have proves to be edible.
Posted by: Tim Mac | December 23, 2005 at 10:37 AM