Large Fella on a Bike

Life

Amy just returned home from a very depressing shift at work.  Being an RN for 19 years, it takes a lot for something to get under her skin and really get her down.  She's seen pretty much all of it... the best & worst of the Human Condition.  This was some of the worst.

She gets a call in ICU that the ER will be sending her someone up after they get her stabilized.  The someone is a woman, 42 years old, married, 2 teenage daughters, educated, no history of drug abuse-however started drinking heavily for the first time in her life 2 years ago after some "event".  A couple hours later 2 ER nurses bring up this lady.  She's a mess.

Husband is with her and tells Amy that she got very depressed a couple years ago about "something" [he doesn't go into details... according to Amy, this is standard].  She goes from having never touched alcohol to a raging alcoholic in short time.  21 months later, Amy has her as a patient.  Her liver is basically a milkshake, huge amounts of internal bleeding-most of which the trauma surgeons cannot stop, her brain is swollen and read to pop from all the alcohol. 

Her husband found her earlier last night passed out in a cheap, roach-motel laying on the floor, covered in her own shit with 8 empty bottles of vodka around her.

She's on a vent, has a "do not resuscitate" order on her placed there by 3 very heartbroken people... her family: a husband, a 17 year old daughter and a 14 daughter.

Amy goes back to work later today, actually in 8 1/2 hours.  Amy said that there is about a 99.8% chance that the woman will be in the morgue by then and if she's still in ICU, she won't see tomorrow morning at all.

What the fuck could have happened to have made someone want THIS so bad?  I can understand a moment or even a few moments... but 2 years of hell-bent desire to burn up your insides[!!]... what could DO this to someone, what event?

Life is fragile... we are all so fragile.

Inlaws & Music...

Well, we I just survived a weekend with Amy's family visiting from that planet waaaay out in the Milky Way known as Michigan.  Many close calls... but got through it.

Somehow.

I once, long ago, thought all the hub-bub about family-particularly inlaws- was just a bunch of hooey oft mentioned to get laughs or something...

Nope.  It was most certainly written by someone who had more experience with the whole thing than I did at the time.  Of course at that time I had none... I was too young and too unmarried.

I really enjoy Amy's family... her mom is an absolute trip.  Her step-dad is a really nice guy too.  It's just that when you're in their orbit it's like being swept up by a Cat. 5 tornado.  Serious turbulence and mayhem ensues.  And this isn't including the rest of the bunch.  Sisters, cousins, et al come into the picture and it's like an atomic bomb going off in a trailer park.  Chaos.  100%.

====================================

Still having a nice, young English lad from London UK build me a site and as he's been quite busy with "university" (as they say over there) not too much to report on it.  However, in the meantime I built up a few pages that look well... quite frankly like total shit, but that's not really the point right now-after all, it WILL look better someday... anyway, I built the 3 pages so that I could start putting up some streaming audio.

zenJones.com is the place to check it out.  As of now I have 2 full tunes up from my first record as a leader (which is different than being on someone elses record as a sideman... in case you were curious as to why I was differentiating).  It came out in 1996 on a German label called CMP Records which is now defunct as they were sold to an British company that pretty much wanted the catalog so they could store it in their vault for some-as of yet known-reason.  Anyway, I'll be putting up some more stuff soon and when the site gets up and running in its completed state there will be lots of new stuff.

Check it out... if you dig it let me know, if you don't dig it let me know... and if you REALLY dig it send me some dough.  Dig?

Out...

Why Midas sucks A$$

Earlier today, with a grand total of 21 miles on our car since Midas  charged us $690.00 for a brake job, Amy & Chloe were out locally running an errand when the brakes completely failed upon approaching a rather busy intersection.

Amy had about .00009 seconds to decide between smacking into a group of 30 people walking across the crosswalk or jump the curb and put the car up onto the sidewalk and possibly mash 12 other people walking there...

As fate, skill and a very cool, level-headed wife would have it- she picked the curb/sidewalk combo WHILE throwing the car into neutral AND jerking the emergency brake up.  The car skidded up onto the sidewalk, scared the absolute shit out of a bunch of iPod wearing franken-yuppies who then proceeded to start calling her names while under the assumption that she was some kind of bad driver who wasn't paying attention [they quickly chilled when they heard what had happened]... all of which inspired Chloe to comment, "Wow Mom!  Lets do THAT again!!".

A certain B-flat Midas manager is hopefully having one really cozy, warm, happy, fuzzy, cuddly, fucking nights sleep tonight, because at 7am tomorrow he's going to have me at his shop when he shows up to unlock the door... and the poor bastard better have some really amazingly brilliant answers as to why this happened as well as one World Class tap-dancing routine for me... like motherfucking Bojangles.

I get REALLY pissed off about once every 6 years... I mean pissed like "Mike Tyson-in-a-bad-mood-biting-off-Holyfield's-ear-insanely-pissed", pissed off... this is one of those times.

Another reason why Clinton owned All

Yep, still another.

The former Prez' favorite music...  to be available as a compilation CD.

Okay, okay, okay.  Yes... David Sanborn is a tad wimpy and touchy-feely (but doesn't even get close to that Hallmark Card Poster Child known as Kenny G) but come on babe: Coltrane & Miles...

Need I say more?!?!

A Wife That Rocks

Long story shortened...

Our Volvo has been acting up for about 3 months.  At first slowly (as such things tend to be) and recently... much accelerated.

It started with a squeak here and a small grind there.  As usual, we are extremely lazy about all forms of car maintenance.  The car isn't really that important in an area where most everything can be had in a 15 minute or less walk, or a 6 minute or less cycle ride.

The grinding continued.  Eventually it was evident it was the Volvo needing some brake work... probably the pads, maybe the rotors.

A couple more months went by and we were using the car as much as ever... maybe 2 or 3 times per week for a quick drive to the mall or on an exceptionally hot & humid day (which describes nearly everyday of the *&^%sucker of a summer we've been having) to avoid walking.  Finally four days ago Amy came home after a short errand with the car and announced, "Whoa, that was interesting!  I came up to an intersection and the brake pedal literally went all the way to the floorboard and I had no brakes, so I had to shift down into Low2, Low1 then Neutral and then use the Emergency Brake to come to a stop!".  She seemed actually more excited than freaked by the whole thing which is par for the course with her whole Michigan-Auto-Roots.  She was born smack-dab in the center of the American Auto Galaxy... Flint, Michigan.  Me, I would have shat myself if I had no brakes.  Sure, I would have done the same to stop the car BUT I wouldn't have recounted the story with glee once I arrived home.  I'm much more prone to excitement and drama than Amy though.

So anyway... Saturday comes and we realize we need to move the car to avoid getting a $47.00 ticket for ignoring Alternate Side Parking.  Amy goes to move the car and having the cars in front and behind us so close, she cannot make the magic happen without real brakes.  I try it too... no dice (even though it was rather fun slamming the Volvo into the ass end of a brand new Hummer in front of us and a very nice, older BMW sedan behind us.  Repeatedly, did I mention that?).  Finally I gave up and realized that we had to do something quick to avoid the wrath of the Parking Authority.

I spent the next hour calling around to see who was open and could take us on no notice to do-what I guessed would be-a pretty basic brake job.  Finally I found the ONLY place who would do it... and sadly it was a chain.  Midas.  Ick!!

I call AAA and have them tow us to the Midas location and wait for an hour and then get the news...

Me:  "So, what's up with her?"
Midas Guy (with 4 gold front teeth, a tattoo on his neck that says "Thug 4 Life" and a lot-A LOT- of bling on his neck and fingers):  "You gots problems Bra"
Me:  "Hmmm, sounds bad... ok, like what?"
MG:  "I bet ya didnit stop drivin' when yous had all dhem grinds goin' eh?  Cause ya need like pads, rotors, calipers and a masta cylinda Bra"
Me:  "Bummer.  Is that on all four brakes or only the front?"
MG:  "Well, all four but ya cou get way wit doin' jus da frons, Bra"
Me:  "Cool, okay so what would be the damage for all of this?"
MG:  "Huh, wat ya mean?  We didino damage nuttin"
Me:  "Sorry, I meant... what's the price... parts, labor, tax, etc... the whole deal?"
MG:  "Oh, $738.00 for parts, $399.00 for labor and like $57-I dunno for da taxes.  Tolya, ya fucked dat bitch up, Bra.  Big time N shit!!  Ha!"
Me:  "Ok, that's a problem.  We have $500.00... can you not do the rear brakes, look at refurbished parts... something less costly?  I mean, is this the best price you can give me?"
MG:  "Ya Bra, I only give da bess prices N shit.  But lemme axe my manager where he can cut some fat off de tota."

Ten minutes later I'm told they can do it all (excluding the rear brakes) for $690.00 total.  Odd, but yep... go ahead.

They almost got it done by closing time too.  They close at 3pm on Saturdays and the mech stayed until 3:30 to finish which was very cool, especially for a chain store BUT he couldn't bleed the brakes and then discovered that the master cylinder wasn't allowing fluid into the rear right brake.  So the Volvo has to sit there until tomorrow morning, when it'll be finished up first thing in the AM.

Bra!

So..... onto the actual point of this post.

Amy had to work tonight.  It's only a 10 minute walk... a 2 minute ride by cycle to her gig at the hospital.  It's also 98 degrees outside with 94% humidity thus making for a heat index of 109 degrees at 6:30pm no less.  She's getting out of the shower and starting to put on her scrubs for work and she announces... "Honey, get my Atlantis.  Check the headlights, the tires and bungee cord my work bag onto the rear rack please?".  I was surprised and absolutely struck by the fact that this was a brilliant idea.  She could ride it MUCH faster than she could walk it.  During the daylight the stretch of street is fine but after dark (and she takes her lunch break around 1am-3am) the area surrounding the hospital is isolated and desolate.  However, on her Atlantis it would be a piece o' cake.  Plus, the employee lot (if she takes the Volvo... which from time to time she must because we can't find a "legal" space for the next morning-before she would get home for work) is almost a quarter of a mile from the damn hospital.

Next... no bike racks at work... what to do?  She doesn't blink a lash, "I'm gonna walk it and me right through the Emergency Room, down the hallway, past security, onto an elevator up to ICU and park it right next to the Nurses Station.  If someone has a problem with that... tough".

Strong women are a Mofo and major turn-on!  ;-]

I got her bike set up and ready, she walked out of the bedroom, gave Chloe & me a peck on the cheek and hoisted her Rivendell onto her shoulder, down the steps and BAM... was gone.

Literally, 5 minutes later she called... not from outside the hospital, or the ER, or the hallway... from the Nurses Station in ICU!  Wow, fast.  She beat most of the storm that is just now starting (finally!!) to open up on us, dealt with security, got to ICU, wiped down her Brooks saddle, answered a few admiring questions about her Atlanti and then called to update me...

She said security stopped her halfway through ER and asked her if she was an employee and did she know if it was "legal" to have a bicycle in a hospital.  hehe.  She told me that she looked at the guard and said, "Listen, I don't usually dress up in scrubs, counterfeit hospital ID badges and then try to go cycling through trauma centers for the thrill of it".  With that, the guard looked down and waved her through.

Moral of this story: Don't f*#! with my wife... she gets shit done AND she'll mess you up.

Mad Cowboy

Has anyone else out there read this book, "Mad Cowboy ", by Howard Lyman ?  Interesting and very fascinating book.  It was recommended to me as a sort of "one, two, three punch" to going meatless in our meat-crazed society.  And I must say, it makes some STRONG points toward that end.

Besides the obvious parts that you may expect to read about... the actual disease Mad Cow (Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy) and the expected pitfalls of a mostly animal-based diet, Lyman goes into deep detail about how the earth as a whole is paying an enormous price for our endless dependency and addiction to beef, particularly hamburger and of course fast food.

He states some shocking facts about cattle ranching-and not the predictable ones that most would assume i.e. treatment & ethics (even though he touches on those as well)-but things like feedlots (where cattle are held to fatten them up before shipping to slaughterhouses) and the impact such places have on the soil, other animal life, ground water and the atmosphere.  He talks and makes a solid argument about ways to achieve a sustainable USA (and world) AND allow farmers to farm.  He points out previously non-understood (by me at least) facts relating to the destruction of the Rainforest as a result of South American cattle ranching (most of which is exported to the USA by the way).

He talks about the side effects & byproducts of ranching... herbicides and pesticides, and their impact on the cattle themselves, the land... and ultimately humans (from the ranchers-Lyman suffered a nearly life ending interior spinal cord tumor which is thought to have been a direct result of the chemicals he used while owning & overseeing a huge cattle ranch-to the consumers-as animal tissue is the perfect place for the storage and transmission of chemicals and metals as well as bacteria).

He very methodically runs down the lies the govt. (particularly the Dept. of Agriculture and FDA) spew forth onto an unsuspecting and trusting public.

It doesn't matter if you love eating animals or not... this book is very revealing and really deserves a good, thorough reading by everyone.

Check it out...

In need...

As some of you may know or may not know... I used to be a musician, and am 99% sure of getting back into it all slowly once again. 

A fellow comrade in arms,  Michael Brecker  has become very ill just recently and he and his family are looking for some much needed help.

If you don't know his name, chances are great you've heard his playing... if you know his name-well, you know how deep he is as a musician, and that's reflected in just how deep of a human he is as well.

Here's a short bio on him-

Michael Brecker is 56 and an internationally renowned jazz musician.  As a result of his harmonic innovations, Michael is among the most studied contemporary instrumentalists in music schools throughout the world today.  Brecker has recorded and performed with a virtual Who’s Who of hundreds of jazz and pop giants including McCoy Tyner, Herbie Hancock, James Taylor, Chick Corea, Chet Baker, George Benson, Quincy Jones, John Lennon, Charles Mingus, Joni Mitchell, Aerosmith,  Paul Simon, Wynton Marsalis, Frank Sinatra, James Brown, Bruce Springsteen, Steely Dan, Pat Metheny, Billy Joel and Elton John.
As a leader and co-leader of The Brecker Brothers (with Randy Brecker) and Directions in Music (with Herbie Hancock and Roy Hargrove), Michael has received 11 Grammy Awards.

I urge any and all of you reading this to PLEASE consider helping, but most especially if you are of Eastern European Jewish descent.

Below, is the email Michael's wife Susan has sent out to everyone she knows... it should answer any and all questions you may have regarding his illness, what it is and finally [and hopefully] how you can help.

Revised Letter From Susan Brecker:

PLEASE SEND THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE YOU KNOW

Dear Family and Friends,

My husband, Michael Brecker, has been diagnosed with MDS (myelodysplastic syndrome), and it's critical that he has a marrow or blood stem cell transplant---which has nothing to do with the polarizing issue of embryonic stem cells.

The initial search for a donor, including Michael's siblings and children, has not resulted in a suitable match. We now hope to have as many people tested as possible that share a similar genetic background as my husband. 

There are some important points to understand concerning this process:
1. The screening involves only a blood test. It can be done very easily at a donor center of the National Marrow Donor Program. The blood test identifies your HLA tissue type. The cost for the test is generally $40 to $95 depending on the donor center and the laboratory that completes the test. After this initial testing, all medical expenses are paid for by the patient or the patient’s insurance.  Go to www.marrow.org or call 1-800-MARROW-2 to find the donor center nearest you. In NYC, call Frazier at the NY Blood Bank [212-570-3441 / 310 East 67th Street] to make an appointment.  The test is $40. If it’s difficult to make it to a blood center, private kits are available from Tepnel Life Codes [800-915-3695]. Order the “HLA [A][B][DR]” kit for $140. You will need to have a small vial of blood drawn. Indicate to Tepnel that your test is for “Michael Brecker” and they will know to whom to forward your results.
2.  As a volunteer donor, you are never legally obligated to donate. Individual decisions are always respected. However, a late decision not to donate can be life-threatening to a patient and among the most disheartening news a family can ever receive. Therefore, please carefully consider your decision to be a donor.
3. Should you be selected as a potential donor for Michael or any other patient, please understand that there have been tremendous advances in "bone marrow transplants" and the term itself can be misleading. At major cancer centers, blood stem cells can in nearly all instances be harvested directly from your blood.  A donor is simply connected to a machine that separates the blood stem cells before the donor’s blood reenters his/her system. On occasion, stem cells may have to be harvested directly from your bone marrow. All the necessary precautions are taken to ensure the safety and well-being of the donor. A number of personal health questions are asked when individuals join the National Marrow Donor Program Registry to be sure they are in general good health.  In the event you’re asked to donate marrow or blood cells, a volunteer will first receive a thorough physical examination—at no cost to him or herself.
4. A match for Michael would be most likely come from those of Eastern European Jewish descent. If you or anyone you know are in this category please make a special effort to immediately get tested. Ultimately, you would be doing something not just for Michael, but for so many more who are in a similar situation as my husband.
5. You are now part of our internet-based drive for donor testing.  If everyone who receives email can motivate a bunch of their friends to get tested, and those friends then forward this email to get their friends to get tested, we will have rapidly expanded the pool of potential donors. I urge all of you to get tested AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Finally, any local National Marrow Donor Program donor center can assist in organizing a drive for Michael, although it would be desirable if you can get a large group, e.g. a synagogue, to sponsor it. The “Gift of Life,” an organization whose mission is to increase the representation of the Jewish people in the bone marrow donor pool, will test you for free when part of a donor drive organized through “Gift of Life.”  Call 561.988.0100 [ http://www.giftoflife.org] for further information.
There exist other organizations that have a similar mission for African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, etc. 

Whatever your roots, please get tested to assist others!

Should you have any questions about any of this, please do not hesitate to get in touch with Michael's management office at 212.302.9200 or [email protected]    Thank you so much for your love and support. We are so grateful. 

Susan

Interrupted Connection

Vertically, I've got one blood family member left in this world... My Father.  The two of us don't see eye to eye much if ever at all.  To say we don't get alone well would be an understatement.  He has ideas, I have mine... ours seldom meet.

It's that Dad/Son thing.  He wants me to be better than him, he also wants to feel like he's always got something up on me... I want him to be floored by me [what son doesn't want that?], I want him to at least acknowledge some of my achievements.  I want him to hear triumphant music rise up whenever I'm around or at least hear something when my name is uttered.  That doesn't seem to happen though.

At 41 years old, I'm still remiss in admitting that I, me, Scott... want this 73 year old pain in my ass, grey white-haired, ex-Marine, Korean War vet, did I say pain in the ass yet[?], fast shrinking man to respect me.  To be awed by his youngest son... to say something akin to, "Holy shit, that's one damn fine, amazingly accomplished son I sired".

I cannot see it ever happening.

I've precisely one moment of feeling like I had a chance as an adult with him.  In 1997 when my mom passed, my dad **actually** started asking me my thoughts and opinions.  Things like, "Scott, I was thinking about doing insert random thing here, what would you do?", actually popped out of his pie hole.  I was stunned.  I was honored.  I was pleased, proud and shocked.  I took EVERY question seriously [which I seldom do in my 'other' non-dad-asking-me-questions life] and would give each and every utterance from him my maximum consideration before responding.

Prior to this, he had never asked me a question that he didn't already know the answer to... he was either exasperated with me, teaching me some grand life lesson, drilling me, dressing me down, being condescending or asking me a question as a setup to nailing me to the cross of human faultiness.  This, however, was very different and very weird for me.

New terrain.  Unfamiliar and uncharted territory, and yet profoundly right feeling and correct.  I was after all 34 years old and had some life lessons and experiences that may have been [definitely were!] different than his life course.

And life being full of the occasional rich surprise... this lasted 12 whole months.  For precisely 12 months he kept asking me questions: "what would you do's; why is that's; how can I's; I wanted to find out what your thoughts were's" & more... it was an oasis in what had otherwise been 34 years of mostly dry breasted lessons in practicality and the banalities of cookie-cutter living.

And then like going back to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Chi-Chi's one too many times, it was gone and I was left sitting on the mythical porcelain throne to ponder my empty kingdom and irritated bowel.

What seemed like a dream had, in fact, become just that again... a dream.  It was over.  Dad had gone back, not gradually mind you or even somewhat quickly, but full blown lightswitch-clicked-from-on-to-off in one fell swoop, to not asking questions.  Where Question Marks had bookended his sentences like really great foamed soy milk in hot ebony coffee, all that was left were Periods, Exclamation Points and sarcastically placed hurtful fish hooks with dots underneath [????].

What had I done?  What question did I mis-answer so badly, so poorly that I lost him?  Where did I go astray?

To this day I have no answer.

I never asked him and he's too busy being himself to answer or even ponder the differences... if he even ever noticed in the first place.

It may be better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... or the same with bread and losing it.  I don't know and won't imply that I do.

But for one year I made my dad proud in my estimate.  I was old enough to know it, to recognize it... to know its value and worth.  He was dazzled with my answers and often said he would have never thought of such an approach or course to solving this or that issue.  I tasted what I often have read about in books and seen in movies.  It can happen.

It was real and I'll never forget it.

At this point in 2005 him and I are so out of sync that the only thing we can agree on is that all our correspondence should be via handwritten letters mailed through the USPS.  7 months into this year and we've talked [via ink, paper, envelope and stamp] precisely 1 time each.

It's sad, and I cannot get away from the feeling that it reflects worse on me than him.

And on the Sabbath there was angst...

So, been an interesting week.  Decided to get a domain name and web hosting to actually save some bread.  Yep, by pre-paying (12 months in advance) I could be saving a nice amount from what I pay now for TypePad.  Of course, like all best laid plans there were areas of concern... mainly because I know dick about websites, html, ccs, java jones, perl or pearl... or much else that seems crucial to running, maintaining and updating a website.

Well now I'm into week 2 of having a domain name, web-hosting, etc... and the reality has set in.  Things aren't going well. 

The upside-

I found a program for mongoloids that want to run a website and it couldn't be easier... for a mongoloid that is.

The downside-

The blogging software I want to use (WordPress) is over my head in terms of altering the layout for my specific wants and needs, and I am having a horrid time trying to import/export everything from here (TypePad) to there (my site and WordPress).  I'm talking, H.O.R.R.I.D.

Who knows... I'll probably end up keeping this account going as well as the 12 month commitment I've made elsewhere... equation-  Zero savings/More money spent than before, "Bright Idea".

Boink!!

Went an got me

one dem fancee website addresses.  A doe main name.  Dun know how to build me up a site but I's figure Ill get her figured one a these days.

Then Ill be somebody... somebody eveybody will like.

Where the action will be coming from... nonstop 24/7!!

So's watch yer backs Bill Gates & Co. cause I'm a comin' and I'm a hard charger.

THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED!!

Back to my bowl O' fruit -n- seeds.

MC, if you see this... killer entries lately.  You sound as on edge as I feel!!

Peace, shalom/shalakum, got chicken... give it a lil' shake & kevin bacon