There's a good chance I don't know you, and you don't know me. And based on that sort of basic, common sensible thinking, why would it be that I cannot be who I am without the flak of some people[s] assuming they know me well enough to pass judgment on who I am-or should be?
Am I not to have an opinion [okay, fine, many opinions], a sense of humor, be serious when need be? And in any & all of those cases, is it not they -and not me- who should have to assume that they do not know me as well as I know myself?
I write about things that interest me. They might be things that concern, amuse, irritate, interest, bother, bug, arouse curiosity... many things, in: Me.
Some responses here [at the blog] and many [via email] express a generalized theme of: "You were different at 501 pounds [or 440, or 387, or 302, or 252] than you are now" [paraphrased]. Yes, of course I was/am. Going further... those same responses have an unwritten/unsaid scent to them of, " ...and I liked you better back then". That bugs me. Bugs me in a couple different ways.
Ways like:
#1. Fine, and even though it sounds harsh, but I don't mean it harshly: I do not exist to please the masses, and the masses assumption of who I am [or was]. That's on THEM to figure out, or weave through [if they, or anyone else, would even desire such a waste of time]. Not to mention, some of them do this anonymously [replies here at the blog], which seems particularly chickenshit [but that's just my opinion, once again]. The folks who know me, or don't but stop me on the street, approach me out-n-about town when I'm riding: we talk, shake hands... they seem to enjoy the encounter like I do [unless I just feel too uncomfortable, and even then, I try my best to make them comfortable in my uncomfortableness].
and...
#2. Who was I to you back then? Some cast-aside, very overweight person, who was your underdog? Was I someone you were pulling for, and now that I've gotten closer to that end page, you feel like I should exist in a vacuum of Time & Memory?
Listen, I am Me. And you are You. I am a good person... a person who has learned much, has much to learn. A person who finds things, including myself, funny. I see irony, joy, sadness, meaning & meaninglessness, contradictions, as well as many other things in this life we share: and if they hit me a certain way, I may [or may not] write of them. And as a result of what I have gone through, come from, the road I continue to walk down: I have enormous empathy for folks, but am not so much a pillar [as some have implied I should be] as an ear that listens/an eye that sees, and last... while I have been through much and always continue to try my best to share it with others who may benefit from it [or, perhaps, just maybe, try to make them smile, and then think & nod their head]:
I take the time to put myself out there.
As for "You",
Pleased to meet you too.
Keep Ridin'... Always
Scott - I've been reading your blog for two years. I always read but never post, with your blog or any of the same mailing lists to which we are both subscribed. Through my readings, here's what I know about you: you are focused, opinionated, ethical, virtuous, hold high family values, and lastly, very inspiring to me. My wife and 10-year-old son admire you as well. Keep on keepin' on, my friend. I've enjoyed getting to know you. Keep ridin' and writin'...always.
Posted by: pedalwest | June 08, 2008 at 04:57 PM
We're not supposed to always agree. That's no fun.
On a serious note: weight loss is success. People envy success...some in a positive way but many in a negative way. Just bow to the detractors. We'll find room for all. ;-)
Posted by: bryantp | June 08, 2008 at 06:11 PM
It also seems your hair has gotten, well, whiter.
Too much stress, or too much peroxide?
..::giggle::..
Bless you for your you-ness.
Posted by: beth h | June 09, 2008 at 07:34 AM
Being one who has lost a ton, and in the process of losing more I can relate to these. I guess me, well, I've put it out there from day one - I'm a brash motherfucker and I do things the way I want to. Still I get people who think I should be on some holy quest, some high ground reserved for saints and popes to properly promote The Healthy Lifestyle Of Fatty Change.
As such, I get THE LOOK on occasion. Be it when I speak something other than perfection, or maybe in the checkout line at the local grocer, 6 pack of something hopsy and fizzy in one hand, bag of tortilla rounds and salsa in the other ready to have a wild night.. at home. Or even, just to be a brazen motherfucker I talk to a group about my success, then I go into the store and buy two 24oz cans of Miller High Life (because they fit in bottle holders, don'tchaknow), throw them on the bike and head back home, waving and saying "good night!"
Be those all what they will, I can feel your pain. An air of expected perfection placed on your shoulders by others is nothing that I would wish on my worst enemy.
Posted by: Ben | June 09, 2008 at 08:36 AM
Long time reader. Never posted before but just want to say "True".
So what? do people expect you or any other blog/site they enjoy to exist in a time warp for their viewing pleasure?
It's a long road, mad road, glory road. Keep riding, you've made a difference in my life.
Posted by: Krystal McManus | June 09, 2008 at 11:25 AM
I'm new to your blog (which I'm enjoying BTW), having come here via a comment on Making Light which linked to the Star-Tribune story about you.
There's a great term for using an individual's blog to criticize the individual (especially for either being who he is, or talking about his own interests): CATFOTFIC. It stands for "complaining about the flavor of the free ice cream." Kind of says it all.
Keep riding, and enjoy the ride!
Posted by: Lila | June 09, 2008 at 01:29 PM
Go anonymous. BSMSP or BSPDX?
Posted by: paz | June 10, 2008 at 10:42 AM
I could read other blogs, but I read yours because it's interesting. Dude, you rock.
Posted by: Colin | June 10, 2008 at 06:06 PM
I like the offensive stuff... of course, I'm rather offensive myself, so I appreciate the fact that you're well rounded: you can be kind and sweet and very empathetic and you have the urges to strangle MF's who almost hit you, just like I do. I like the way you don't sugar coat shit, or try to soft pedal your opinions for the easily offended.
The above comment by Lila about CATFOTFIC made me chuckle out loud: NICE! Some people will complain about anything! I think your new slogan stickers sum it all up rather nicely: I told my brother about those today when I saw him on a ride (commuting to my first day of college in 10 years) and he laughed out loud (he's a bikey guy too, not as much as me anymore though). He can be hard to amuse, so I thought that was another good sign. Can't wait to get mine and Piss Excellence: WHEEEE!
Posted by: Ian Hopper | June 16, 2008 at 11:07 PM