What does it feel like...

when you ride?

I get asked this a lot, and I suppose that it has something to do with an issue of size.  Put a different way, "What does it feel like to ride a bike, and be that big [and even bigger back then]?".

Well, it felt horrible at 501 pounds.   

Everything [including Life] was excruciating: the slowness, the pain in my legs/back/ass/balls/feet/hands/shoulders/neck/my psyche... all of it-and probably lots more that I've pushed out of my brain.  But it also felt 1001% fantastic... because I started doing it.  Me, Myself and I.  I took shit from nearly everyone that saw me, and I knew I would too [in a different life I might have been one of those heartless fuckers who gave me shit too~though I doubt it], and I still take shit now [but mostly I don't care... I just get pissed at morons in general but that's not a weight issue, that's a humanity/society thing with me].  I didn't measure anything other than half-blocks traveled, "If I can get to that building... if I can get to that corner... if I can get to the next building... ".

I have a very good friend, who once dropped some very good advice on me, "If you wanna do something big, I mean HUGE... you cannot look up ever, not even for a second or you'll realize the insanity of it and drop.  No man, you've got to Baby-Step the bitch: whether it be 60 minutes ahead or 1 minute ahead or 1 second ahead... or 1 mile ahead, or 200 yards ahead, or one toe-length ahead, you gotta go slow, head down, blinders on, game face intact, vessels popping, committed, focused, driven and most of all, S-L-O-W".  I've applied that lesson and those words to every fucking second of every minute of every day since November 2005, and never once not thought it, felt it and tried my best to live by it.

What does it feel like now...

I dig all of it [even when I feel like I might not].  The Pre-Ride ritual of grabbing cell, filling water bottle, donning clothes/jackets/balaclava/gloves/helmet, throwing a few things in my bag, keys, doors/lock doors, down the stairs, and off...

Kicking off down the sidewalk and off onto the street, deciding where I want to go/what I want to see, family ride or solo, maybe I'll go to the Statue of Liberty or Hoboken, the nice hum of derailleur and low "mmmmmmm" of tire tread rolling on the streets.  If I take the boardwalk from Hoboken to JC to Bayonne... I dig the rhythmic "flak-ka-flak-ka-flak-ka" of my tires going over the wooden slats on all the twists and turns of pressure-treated wood.

People watching is always cool when I start feeling like I'm focusing on a temporary cycle-related discomfort or some other thing... how no matter what you do, some folks can't look up while walking toward you on a mixed-use walkway-deep in thought, cell phone speak, rifling through a bag or purse, pondering life, who knows: they just keep coming at you and you do whatever you can to let them know [bell, clack your brake levers, brake down, slow up, sometimes dismount, sometimes a smile-other times a glare and eye roll], it provides something of value [even frustration, if everything in the tank is running low enough].

What gets me the most, what I really love, what I'll stay out for hours to find though... is "Rhythm".  That unreal feeling where the bike feels no longer like a Bike, it melds into me and almost knows what I'm going to do before I think it, realize it, intend it, act on it... it's Strong, Powerful, Affirming, Life-Changing, Omnipotent, Micro, Universal and most of all:

Me.

That's what it feels like... and that's why I cannot stop, ever.

Don't you ever, too.

Comments

[George McNally]

Great post.

You and the wife look great!

[John G]

Wow Scott, you're doing great! When I read your blog sometimes the numbers don't mean much, but the photos really show the difference. You look 100% better. Keep up the awesome work.

[Cutsh]

When was the last time you were that size? The guy in this picture looks familar, I'm thinking behind the wheel of a blue Maverick, riding around with some chick named Marci (who was into Miss Piggy).

What business?

[Perry]

Scott, one of your best entries, ever! Very inspirational and from the heart. Keep up the good work with your life and your blog. Love the pics. They put things in perspective.

PS. I used to live in JC Heights and my wife lived in Hoboken. Those used to be old stomping grounds but that was a long time ago and I am sure things have changed plenty since then. It was a tough place to ride, I think. I used to head for 9W on weekends but it's like 10+ miles just to get there, so I had over 20 miles round trip in my legs just trying to get to a decent road. Once I got on 9W, I never wanted to return. Compared to that, the roads here in Guilford are insanely great.

[philbertorex]

Thanks. Things here have been wet, dark and cold. So your posting was great encouragement to me.

[Fritz]

Scott, you are amazing and inspirational. Keep up the great work.

Question: If I want to encourage a Clydesdale cyclist on the street, what should I say? I'm a skinny road cyclist and I think it's great that people try to get out and exercise in spite of body image issues, but I'm afraid I might come across wrong or rude or sarcastic.

[Travis]

You are a rad dude.

[Scott]

Thanks folks, all the nice thoughts and comments are much appreciated.

Fritz-

That's a tough one. You know, "The Road To Hell Is Paved With... " and all that, it might go good but I'll bet it'll probably go bad.

My suggestion:

Get to the know the person and then go in for the helping hand. At minimum, ride with them and at their pace, talk lots, if you wear bug-glasses and such, take it off... humanize the experience. Big folks take much shit, so if you see one on a bike, assume it took a lot for them to get out there and treat the situation and them, with much respect and care.

Make a commitment to that person to ride with them anytime, anywhere they want, no questions asked... at their pace, and hang with them when they need [want] to stop [no looking at your watch, etc].

You prove your intentions and nothing is going to be misunderstood, ever. Words are much different than actions.

You may find that you've made the biggest change in their life, it'll feel great for both of you and...

you might have just made one of your greatest friends for life too [who knows].

To be sure though, it's a tricky thing indeed.

Peace & Blessings-

-Me

[cutsh]

Fritz: You hang with them up the hills, tuck in on their wheel on the flats and, if you were polite while they worked their ass off up the hill, they won't drop you like a bad habit on the descents. I'm Scotts brother and before I blew out L-5 I did 3,200 miles a year at an average speed over 15mph, at 260 pounds. Some of us fat Freds can really get around. You don't have to be a runt to enjoy a good days suffering.

[Jim G]

Hi Scott, I visit your blog regularly, and while I don't always agree with everything you post it's still a good read. This morning, sitting on my commuter train, my bike over in the rack, I started thinking that maybe I was getting burnt out on cycling a bit -- that it was getting in the way of relationships and requring too much mental energy (that I should be maybe pointing at work, say). Anyways, this post inspired and refreshed me. Thanks for that! I love your friend's quote/advice about keeping your head down and going S-L-O-W, who said that, Kent P.? Cheers, -Jim G

[Scott]

Jim-

Glad to know, that in some small way, I helped.

No, the advice came from another fella I played in a number of bands with... but it easily could have come from Kent: he's giving me, at least, as much great advice & inspiration too.

Peace & Blessings-

-Me

[Core]

This motherfucking ROCKS.

You motherfucking ROCK.

You made a pretty impermeable cycnic feel profoundly elated. I can just imagine how YOU feel.

Keep it up?

Done. And just keep inspiring us, motherfucker!!! :)

[Scott]

Thank You, Brother Core.

I'll keep pushing, that's for sure.

-Me

[periwinklekog]

Wow. Beautiful. Inspiring. Scott, your example just makes me smile and smile and smile some more. Of COURSE riding a bike every day can make you healthier and stronger. Of COURSE it can! And obviously it's working for you. Keep riding. (And as soon as my sweetie tells me I've been over my Very Nasty Cold long enough to let me sneak outta the house I'll go riding too).
Cheers --Beth