Well it's almost that time again. That wonderful, special, tender time when families get together... old friends reunite... strangers act just a touch more friendly.
And then the day after go right back to treating one another like so much shit.
We bought our tree yesterday. 8 feet of Canada's finest, imported Balsam Fur. We braved the weather [while riding in our heated-slowly-falling-apart Volvo... the one that has no hub caps because they were stolen; has a tailpipe that hangs & sags just like Grandma's breasts; the one that has no headlights unless we use the highbeams--yeah, that one] and went to the Great Outdoors to procure our family tree this year...
right to Home Depot.
At least the area with the trees is outdoors... outdoors in the pissing, cold rain.
At least I had fun really ticking off the highly skilled seasonal labor force that is your average 20 year old urban youth fashionably decked out in a Home Depot smock with unlaced Wolverine-style boots [I say "style" because they typically aren't actually Wolverine brand... but some naugahyde cheap shit substitute from Lugz or something similar] and ultra-baggy jeans by which we can enjoy viewing the festive sights of their various underwear choices. Joy.
No one but us was brave enough to be outside in the "Tree Area" in the cold, pissing rain so once we had selected our dead tree, the one that mere weeks ago was all beauty-full and happy in a forest somewhere in the icy, mossy, cold of Canuckistan, we couldn't get any of the wonderfully efficient, helpful Home Depot Holiday Seasonal Workforce to help us cut, trim and bag the fucker.
So I DIY'd it.
After trimming off the superfluous branches that didn't meet with our astute Martha Stewartish decorating plans I grabbed the chainsaw that was sitting there for trunk-cutting and let'r rip. The sound alone drew out 6 of Home Depot's finest Seasonal Holiday Helpers.
By the time they had started yelling at me above the din of the chainsaw I was done. Tree trimmed, cut and bagged.
NEXT!!
"Hey Dude... yo, like ya can't be doin shit like that bro. It be dangerous and shit. Plus I could get fired and shit"
Me...
"Sorry, where's checkout?"
Tree looks great.
Amy & me stayed up until 5am decorating it...
It's kicking.
Merry Holidaze;... if we don't talk till the 26th-
Stay Sane
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